Well, I have been BULLIED INTO REVIEWING THIS BY AN EVIL PERSON CALLED MARY WHO HAS A SILLY HAIRCUT. But okay, let's do this :P
Right, Asking Alexandria. Upon hearing that the rhythm guitarist lived in Dubai for a bit (very near to where I used to live) I'm determined to like these guys. But seriously, another long-black-haired bunch of wrist slitting teenagers? I'm a little dubious.
First thing to reach my ears is a little song called Alerion. Bit of ambience.
POWER CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD. Drum drum, power chooooords. Now, where have I heard this before? :P not impressed, Mary. Your music is making me unhappy. PIG SQUEALIIIIING. Then it stops. Oh, that was mercifully short.
Then, The Final Episode. Sounds exactly like Alerion. But its listenable, I guess...not awful by a long way, but not what i'd call pioneering in the world of metal. Some synth too, you know.
A Candlelit Dinner with Inamorta. Oh, hell yes, those candlelit dinners with Inamorta. Nice guy once you get to know him. Makes a lovely cheese souflé. Either way, this song, contrary to what Urban Dictionary will try to tell you, is not the 'Best f#cking song ever'. Its just fast, and has some truly ridiculous growling at the start, which is more likely to make you laugh than get you pumped. Still, if you're into metalcore or whatever this is, go for it. And brace yourself for the British guy sounding like an American. Lightly enjoyable, but the happy hardcore synthage is really weird, and I'm not sure they can pull it off.
Nobody Don't Dance No More (so surely implying that everybody is dancing?) I'm going to have an educated guess about what this song sounds like. "GRAAAAWR IM MAD AT YOU GUYS".
Oh, what's that? It does? I'm bliddy psychic. It also sounds like everything else here :)
Hey There Mr. Brooks. I'm going to have an educated guess about what this *doesn't* sound like:
"Hey, Mr. Brooks,
you're a pretty cool guy
and I love you a lot.
Let's be friends and I'll stop
making this music
and start doing country western"
I was right. Why am I not surprised? i mean, its fine, I could listen to it like everything else on this album, but I'm seeing a distinct lack of individuality emerging.
Next Song, Hiatus. A....happy dance instrumental?! Uh, great. Thanks for that guys. I'd almost rather you stuck to emo stuff. Points for trying though.
Then, "If you can't ride two horses at once..." Are they actually incapable of playing any other rhythym patterns than "dugga dugga....dugga dugga..."?! Also: autotune.
A Single Moment of Sincerity. I can't deal with this any more :'(
Not The American Average. Hey kids, how about another Asking Alexandria song? *sound of gunfire*
I Used to Have a Best Friend (But then he gave me an STD). I laughed a little at the title. Then facepalmed when I actually heard it. You thought I was joking when i said it all sounded the same? I wasn't.
A Prophecy, followed by I Was Once Possibly Maybe Perhaps A Cowboy King. Great.
Thank God this is the final track on the album. I was beginning to worry it would never end. "When Everyday's the Weekend." Don't even bother.
And albums like this, my friends, are why more people don't listen to metal. THIS ENTIRE ALBUM SOUNDS THE BLOODY SAME.
(As for the rating: you know that FACT album I gave the lowest possible grade? Well, this is beneath that.)
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